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Ask A Stupid Question...
Here are some of the most ridiculous questions and comments people have said to me over the years and I'm finally ready to answer them here. Just don't expect any pearls of wisdom or the secret of life to be revealed. So, without further delay, the stupid question section. Enjoy!
Case #1. After talking to this guy on the phone for about an hour that I had known for a year on the net, he says to me, "You know, you don't sound fat".
Answer/Response: Well, Thank you! I always knew all those extensive thinish lessons would pay off and to think, my parents wanted me to learn french instead!
Case #2. A good looking guy (who also happens to have a reputation for being a woman beater and serious drug addict) nonchalantly told me, "I would be all over you if you lost a couple of pounds".
Answer/Response: Quick! Hand me a slice of cake, maybe if I gain 25 pounds he'll stop talking to me altogether!
Case #3. I received an anonymous email stating, "I'm sorry but, you aren't a BBW. You aren't big enough to be one, I don't understand why you pretend that you are".
Answer/Response: OK, You caught me! I've been pretending to be fat for years now, simply because I love shopping at plus size clothing stores. Where else am I going to find insanely overpriced, bright orange, floral patterned, polyester, button down, shirts that my grandma wouldn't even wear? (and don't forget the matching pants, Whoo hoo!)
Case #4. A while ago, I was in a restaurant with a few friends, all of us ordering a desert, the rude waitress turned to me and asked, "Are you sure you want peanut butter sauce on that sundae? It's really fattening.."
Answer/Response: Well, actually yes! My having ordered it just might be an indication that I, in fact, really DO want it. By the way, are you sure you want a tip?
Case #5. I received yet another "thoughtful" email trying to enlighten me about the dangers of being fat, in which the writer warns me, "If you don't lose weight, you will die".
Answer/Response: WOW! You mean to tell me that thin people have discovered the secret of immortality?! I can't wait to read THAT article in Time magazine.
Case #6. Someone posted the following remark on the message board, "Many thanks and the best wishes for your efforts to bind fat people into a selfconscious entity."
Answer/Response: Me bind people?! Never! Well, ok, there was ONE time but he begged me to and I was drunk, damn it!
Feeling caged in? Eating like a bird? You may be getting way more vitamin BB than you need.